Money & Relationships
The stock market is bear, bitcoin has crashed, housing is a bubble waiting to pop. The cost of living is increasing and money is tight. We’re headed for recession.
Not only does an economic downturn put stress on our wallets, but it puts stress on our relationships.
Along with sex, children, inlaws and division of labour, money is one of the hottest topics amongst couples. Whats curious though is that, what couples fight about is not actually about the money.
Paper money was historically introduced as a means of trading goods. Through a long span time, money became recognised as a unit of value and it made the system of trading more efficient and effective. Fast forward in time, money has become the life blood of the world, it what keeps modern society running, and as paper money evolved to be what it is today, so did our relationship with it.
Humans are meaning making creatures, we can’t help but assign meaning to things – it's a function of being human, a by-product of our evolution. And money has evolved to represent much more than just a means of trade. If you listen carefully to arguments about money, there is a deeper underlying symbolic meaning of what money implicitly represents.
There are four symbolic meanings of money: security, status, freedom, enjoyment
Security - money means safety, it allows one to sleep easier at night knowing that there's a cushion of cash to catch their fall, money is a serious topic and there’s more satisfaction in saving money rather than spending
Status – money means reputation, it's a reflection of success, drive and ambition, your worth is measured by the number of dollars in the bank, the more the better, money is often a big motivator
Enjoyment – money means happiness, one is more liberal with spending as it’s just a means to live life, the number in the bank doesn’t mean much, for some in this category money can be an antidote for anxiety, boredom and other difficult to handle emotions
Freedom – money means choice – it represents independence, being able to be self-sufficient and unrestrained, not longer trapped in the rat race, money provides the opportunity to pursue purpose and adventure, and not be tied down by obligation
Couples get stuck in arguments about money because they think they’re arguing about spending or saving, when they are actually arguing about values. And it can be challenging to resolve because compromising can feel like going against these deeply integrated values. And as a recession looms there comes more stress about money.
What can be done about money and your relationship?
Being aware of the symbolic meaning and understanding your partners values related to money can open up creative ways for both values to be honoured. Knowing the symbolic meaning of each person will help make sense and clarify differences in long term versus short term financial goals, it would clarify why you seem to have differing financial priorities, which in turn can make space for more effective budgeting that can honour you both.
