How dating apps are keeping you SINGLE (psychological perspective)
Are you swiping and still can’t find the one good enough to convince you to delete the app once and for all?
It’s the modern day contradiction, apps built to make relationships, are actually breaking relationships. Heres why
Dating apps have truly transformed the dating landscape, we have access to more potential partners than ever before. Historically, we would meet one and be weded, and many didn’t even get the luxury of choice. Now we have catalogs. With so much choice, why is it still so hard?
The paradox of choice – the more choice we have, the less content we feel with what we do have. Dating apps are a seemingly infinite supply of potential partners all within the palm of our hands. Along with the abundance, comes discontent. people become increasingly choosy about their potential partner because of the false sense created by excess choice that there could be someone better out there, and this negative comparison leads people to under appreciate that person they have in front of them and they become less committal, leaving them more alone than when they started.
The abundance of choice and ease of access has lead to detachment, as people on these apps are essentially commodified, like items in an online store, everyone is replaceable, you can always find another one somewhere. Dating apps have turned modern courtship into a type of commodified game.
The issue with the commodification of dating is that nobody learns about how to become a compatible partner, because if theres a problem or you don’t like this one enough, you can just match with another to replace. Contrary to common belief, compatibility is not a fixed state where one is a perfect fit for another, Compatibility is a learning process that evolves over time through trial and error in relationship with another.
Not only have apps transformed the making of relationships, but also in the making of love. With advancement in technology, namely contraception, the model of sex has moved from procreative to recreative. We use to have sex to make babies, now we have sex to have fun. And Now with a second wave of technology, dating apps, the recreative sexual culture is being perpetuated. There used to be magic in the first time, now its about how many times.
Trying to find the one who will convince you to delete the app is the wrong way to go about it. The experience of love is not what the other person is, but how you experience yourself in the presence of another. Look to ask yourself “what can I be in this relationship”. Look to be compelling, rather than have a checklist to tick off. Learn to seek what you can appreciate about this person rather than what you cant, and give it time, because love and compatibility takes time to develop.
