#ick feeling - Therapist explains

You may have heard it on Tiktok, to get “the ick”. 

“The ick” is the feeling of disgust you might have for someone who you are in a romantic relationship with. Its that feeling of repulsion or cringe, a feeling of moral wrongdoing, that involves a strong gut reaction and you get a feeling (both in mind and in body) that this is someone you don't want to be in a romantic relationship with, it makes you doubt your compatibility. It doesn't mean that person did anything wrong, but its something about the way they are, their mannerisms, behavior or values that irritates you. 

But it doesn't necessarily mean the end of a relationship. It means you need to reflect upon whether you might be okay to live with a sense of differentiation - to be able to co-exist despite “the ick”. It is possible “the ick” could transform into an adoring quirk later down the track. But you shouldn't hope to change your partner, you should start with whether you're okay to live with the difference.

And if you’re afraid that potential partners will get that feeling when they date you: we should look to be in a relationship where we can be authentically ourselves - this is how we obtain a true sense of belonging and we can lead healthy happy relationships, without having to exhaust ourselves trying to be someone who we’re not. “I’d rather have you hate me for who I am, than love me for someone I'm not”