Compatibility in relationships (is a MYTH)
You don’t share any common interests and your personalities are complete opposites, and this leads to problems in your relationship because you just can’t seem to get along. WRONG
Differences in interests or personality don’t lead to relationship problems, it’s the inability to negotiate differences that is the problem. Because choosing a partner is choosing a set of differences, it just depends on what kind. So it’s not about finding the right person, it’s about being the right person, to understand your contribution to the relationship and to work with your partner through your differences. Not about trying to change your partner or changing yourself. Similarity doesn’t equal relationship success.
So if not compatibility, then what?
Be complementary. Complementary means acceptance, tolerance and compromise – more about “how” less about “what”. It’s about integrating and negotiating the differences in our relationship. It’s learning to appreciate the differences, and understanding that it’s the differences between you that makes your relationship richer, appreciating that the differences represent different strengths and being able to position your partner in conditions where they can shine.
Look for relationship values. These are your vision, expectations and fundamental beliefs for your life and relationship, dictating what is and what is not acceptable. We often hold certain values that can’t be compromised as they have a deeper symbolic meaning and when we don’t act in accordance to them it betrays the essence of who we are. Values provide a greater sense of meaning, and if shared it can provide a greater sense of connection.
A common misconception is confusing chemistry for compatibility. Chemistry is thought of as the passion in a relationship - attraction and lust, the excitement, obsessive thought, fantasies and sex. Most commonly felt during the initial stage of a relationship – the honey moon stage. During this phase our bodies release chemicals and hormones that helps facilitate the initial bond of a new relationship by creating stronger attraction. And it doesn’t last. The intensity quite literally fades with time as those chemicals and hormones naturally subside. Real chemistry starts after the honey moon stage.
That’s the myth of compatibility.
