Affairs. The ultimate relationship violation and often a bottom line condition. You cheat, you’re out. A disaster many couples fear and would hope never happens. 

An affair is an emotional or sexual interaction that violates the relationship contract negotiated between partners.  

Many affairs happen when a relationship endures problems that are unable to be resolved between the couple. As a result, one partner ventures beyond the relationship to find a solution to that problem. Its a resolution to a seemingly unsolvable problem. 

By taking care of the relationship you can better protect your relationship. Without enduring problems there would be no need to venture beyond.  

At the very core of an affair is secrecy. Without secrecy is a consensual relationship. 

By outwardly negotiating your relational contract you clarify your boundaries and circumvent secrecy. 

Many couples simply assume the same definition of cheating, not knowing it varies greatly from person to person.  

Some say sex is cheating, others say its a text, for some watching porn is a no no, others draw the line at social media, for many others, all of this is fair game. 

But as with life all things in life, there are no certainties. The only real certainties in life are that you are born, and you will die. And the truth is, in relationship, even happy couples cheat.  

Affairs between happy couples are different. These affairs are often about ones journey of self discovery. The affair represents the opportunity to experience oneself in a new way. We experience ourselves most in relationship with another. Hence, an affair. 

So, does that mean we live our relationship in constant fear of an affair? 

Relationships are about balancing between the polarities of safety and risk. Successfully negotiating these polarities is how trust is built. 

But there are never any guarantees. Taking care of your relationship is at least within your circle of control and influence. Its up to you to determine your risk tolerance within that which is in your control and that best suits your relationship. 

That is how, to the best of your power, affair proof your relationship.